Telling the truth in romantic relationships
How important is it for you to be truthful to yourself and to be loved for who you are – what you feel and desire, and what you say? I interviewed a lot of women for this article, but I am sure men could relate to my writing and learn from it as well.
It so happens that all women withhold the truth at times. Be it for intimate stuff, be it because of social mores or fear of hurting someone else’s feelings, we are too often afraid to say what we think or feel. Maybe it’s because we’re afraid to be rejected or we’ve been conditioned by past relationships and family history where truth telling was linked to painful memories. Maybe it’s because we feel hurt, unloved and desperate, and we fear that telling the truth will only add to our misery. Women say that even when there’s a conscious decision to tell the ‘whole’ truth, sometimes the truth doesn’t win out.
We compromise our deepest longings and desires to please our partners. Do we do it out of love or because there’s not enough love for ourselves? For most women, compromise is part of being in a relationship. With that in mind, we choose our battles carefully, sometimes choosing to tell the truth, and sometimes not. We compromise on small stuff, like postponing going to the gym in order to make dinner or choosing to ‘let it go’ in order to make peace. We try to be honest, but we also downplay our preferences. We are great artists in gauging our truth.
But the more we honor the truth in ourselves, the easier it becomes to express it. For many women, staying true to themselves is more important than pleasing their partner and going along with his wishes. They like to acknowledge who they are and what makes them feel happy. They take a stand for their ideas and beliefs and wish to be respected for their unique contribution and way of seeing the world. But for most women I interviewed, it’s a 50/50 game. It all depends on how you see yourself in your relationship – as being one with your partner – or having and maintaining a separate identity. It seems that women who merge their identities with their partners tend to be more lenient and compromising in their lives.
Truth telling is very good for our health, our bodies, our emotions and well-being. We release unnecessary tensions, resolve inner conflict, feel aligned with ourselves, and live in an inner/outer harmony. When we convey our truth with conviction, compassion, and love, it’s never unkind. One woman said that before she would say anything to her partner she would use the rule: Is it the truth? Is it necessary? And is it kind? Only then did she feel confident to express her feelings.
There is no doubt that the more we love ourselves, the more comfortable we feel about telling the truth. As we expand the love for ourselves, we become fearless, and truth telling gets easier. With practice and desire, it becomes a part of our identity, and it feels right and beautiful and not hurtful.
Truth telling improves our relationships and our lives, making us happier and more fulfilled. We feel wholeness in ourselves and our spirits, and with the significant others who share our lives. Those who truly love us wouldn’t want anything less from us! And we hope to be loved for our integrity in trying to be as truthful as we can as we make a commitment to live our lives differently in this way.
So, honor your truth and love unconditionally! This is a powerful way to lead one’s life!